The Perks of Being a Charlie

September 5, 2020 

Dear Mr Thakur/Sir

I still remember myself when the first time I had entered into the G. S. College after spending two years as a recluse and I was trying to change things around back in August 2013. I had already avoided college for a month from its commencement as you later came to know about the fact that how I fight shy of being a part of academic institutions. 

I still hate them. 

Fortunately because of this pandemic my college in Pune, which is Indira School of Business Studies or ISBS for short, has gone virtual. For someone like me, it's a treat. I can avoid the people, I can avoid the campus. I even wrote a blog about it and my batchmates really liked it. 

It's a Teacher Day today and all I could think about my days back in G.S. especially associated with you and of course Rafiq Sir. I can't believe I had written 6 pages long letter when I had left the college without telling you. But I am happy that despite all these years and distance our Student-Teacher relationship is still strong and growing. 

Last night I had a row with some of my batchmates and I didn't do that intentionally, something had triggered in me and I had lost it. A couple of friends asked me to open up to them but I didn't, despite it was getting so hard. I had done that mistake a few days back and decided strongly that I'd never repeat that mistake. 

I once again felt like Charlie last night, actually, I've been feeling that for a week. So I open up youtube and watch "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" trailer and some scenes of the movie. You remember this title, don't you? Maybe in the tons of books at your home, this one will be lost, but The Perks of Being a Wallflower will always be in my heart as it reminds me of you. 

You are Mr Anderson and I am that silent student in your class, who wasn't talking much to anyone, Charlie. 

When I used to make an entry in the classroom, I don't know why everyone was just staring at me and that was making me really uncomfortable. I'd often find comfort in last benches, far from Teachers and Toppers. I always hated Schools and it was my time to hate college too and I did. 

What kept me going on in G.S. was your lecture of English. I remember how were looking over all the students and looking for some particular one but in the class of over 150 I guess, I still managed to get into your eyes despite being mostly silent. I wasn't good in studies and needed internal marks to maintain good grades, so I answered the questions later on but at the beginning, it was you who made me to speak in class. 

When I knew the answers but wouldn't speak it up. I wasn't participating much in-class activities, nor do I do that now. So I would often write answer on my register page and will ask anyone sitting beside me to answer that. Some would answer and some would be scared to as it might be wrong. But soon within two-three weeks, you noticed the pattern and one day you directly asked the boy beside me that is it really him who is knowing the answer and then suddenly left the focus from him. 

But I was stunned as I had received your message that you had finally figured out it was me who was actually answering and then one day you talked to me when I had come to you about a difficulty in getting the meaning of a word from the book that I was reading:

"You should learn to participate. Why didn't you answer the questions?"
(Knowing that I had known the answers for all of them. I was quite.)
"You seem like a quiet boy. Are you making friends?"
(I was still quiet and nervous. I never had a good deal with a teacher in my life.) 
"Have you even talked with anyone here apart from me?" (I nodded negatively.) "Hmm...so I am the probably the first person to talk with you this much."
(It was true. I was avoiding everyone from my class. I just wanted to do my time there and get out. I hated soul-sucking academic places. But my childhood friend then had asked me to make new friends there and if someone talks to me himself, I should chose that person to be my friend. And then I had said one of my favourite line of "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" which was reminding me of the same scene from it.)

"If my English professor is the only friend I make in G.S. that would be sort of depressing."

And you laughed heartily. "What did you say your name was?"
"Piyush, sir," I said. "Piyush Thorat."
"And you like books?"
"I consider them my friends."
"You may not know, of course, you are a fresher here in G.S."
"Actually I was here for my 11 and 12 too."
"Oh, so you already are familiar with the campus. They why do you look like you're into some unwanted/unfamiliar place? Like an innocent man forcefully put into some prison?"
"This is a prison."
And you laughed. You thought something for a while and continued.
"As I was saying, that you may not know, I like students who read books."
"And why is that, sir?" I was surprised because in my experience Teachers only liked those students who liked academic books and not some novels. 
"Because I am a book lover myself."
Now I had understood why you were really good at capturing the essence of any poem or a chapter of English book. 
"I've got a personal library at my home."And my god I was impressed. "Someday I'd show you."
"I'd be happy to see your collection," I answered.
"Do you have your own collection?"
This made me quiet for a moment. "I want to but my father doesn't like me reading these books. He wants me to ready only study books."
"And what is your father's profession?"
"He's a librarian, sir."

Later on in the class, I started to give answers by myself and soon it brought me the attention of whole B.Com classes. I was in first year and other years students were also meeting me up and I had no clue for what. They all said that we heard your name, it is said that you are different, long hair boy who don't talk much but knows the answers. You seem like a clever boy. And I would reply to them that maybe you guys really need to see my mark sheets. 

Seeing my bonding with you often amazed other students. I was just escaping attention but it followed me way too much in G.S. Then one incidence where one teacher from Grant section teaching accounts along with our late Rafiq Sir, I had told the answer of the difficult problem which was on the board to the class topper and that came out right answer. I was looking at Rafiq sir he had figured that out and I was just looking at him like I really need to get out of the class because I have to eat Samosa because I am damn hungry and he would imply that "Have patience." 

I guess that topper had spoken about it to others and talks were spread about me but I wasn't really caring about it as long as I was enjoying my class with you. I remember two funny moments in campus:

ONE 
When one Saturday I was roaming in the campus because I was bored of lectures and was thinking to spend my time out of the class then I saw you in one classroom and as I was passing by you called me. 

"Piyush."
And I stopped and came back to the classroom door. 
"Where are you roaming?"
"I just don't want to attain lectures today."
"Are you not enjoying my lectures too?"
"No sir, that's not the case."
"Then why are you not in the class right now?"
"It's your lecture now?"
"Yes. Get inside the classroom."
And as I came inside all I saw there were girls and came back outside. 
"But Sir there are no students." 
"Who are they?"
"They are all girls." and you were amused.
"Aren't they students?"
"They are but I'd feel too uncomfortable sitting in a class full of girls only."
"There are few boys too sitting in the back."
"Oh...then I guess I shall need few more."
"Are you seriously shying to sit in the class with them?"
Seeing my expressions you laughed and said. 
"What will you do when you get married?"
"To a girl?"
"Well that's often the case but if you want to get married to a boy then..."
And then all the girls from the class were laughing and I was a lot embarrassed. 
"No... that's not what I meant, sir. But the thing is I don't ever wanna get married actually."
"Did someone break your heart?"
"Not yet, sir."
"Alright good. Now get into the class, I'm done pulling your legs." and you laughed. 

TWO

In the hallway once I and Bhavesh were having a talk and by my one reply, he was so impressed that he hugged me so tightly and said would kiss me for my words and then you just saw us and that cast really wrong impression. 

And you were like, "So that's where you are comfortable."
"No. No. Sir you are getting me wrong."
"Piyush, now is my lecture and what are you doing out again? Get into the classroom."
"Yes sir." and Bhavesh was laughing and teasing me a lot. 
Then as you were heading to the classroom and I was walking along with you explaining that I am totally heterosexual. And then you said to me putting your palm on my shoulder that you just enjoy pulling my legs sometimes with your sarcasm and I shouldn't feel offended.
I don't actually. 
But the things is that when we both had entered the classroom at the same time, other students had weird unbelievable stare at me. When I went on my bench the guy beside me asked me, 
"What, are you guys pals now?" 
And I laughed over it and replied, "Sort of."

After that whenever I entered in a classroom all the guys made cheerful noise and that made me feel so awesome sometimes but I was getting scared too of that much attention. 

Years ago Nitin Bhise, my classmate back then in G.S., had called me and made me talk to other batchmates too. I was taken aback and had asked him why did he do that. He said that I'm still a good friend for him. I remember I had helped him to cheat in Economics and Accounts, Rafiq sir had seen that and later on when Nitin was passed, Sir had asked him to thank me. I was happy he was passed into those difficult subject but then the amusing part was when I got the intimidating stare from Rafiq sir, and it had really good reason. I deserved that. I had helped Nitin to get pass in Economics while I had failed in it myself. 

And the second subject that I had failed into was, yes yours, English. Everyone in G.S. was surprised to see me failed in English but I got the funniest reaction from my family. They were like, "You failed in ENGLISH? ENGLISH? I mean it is understandable that you can fail in Marathi, but ENGLISH?" 

I had failed in Marathi in my 10th and 12th but had managed to get good marks in English while I was a Marathi medium student. I guess my life is full of ironies. 

As you came to know about my Exam Phobia and difficulty to mix with people, I guess, it's not that much of an irony after all. 

Then in my second year as I had a fight in college, I had left it without letting anyone know my decision and then back in January 2016, Rifq sir had called me and had asked me to visit G.S. after reading my letter to both of you.

When I came to college after a year then everyone was quite surprised all of them were staring at me as I and Rafiq sir were walking on campus together, conversing about me and my life. Around 50 students stood there staring at us then Rafiq sir had to ask them to go into the class then he talked to me something that no teacher ever talked to me. 

"You were before my eyes for two years. And as a teacher, I feel ashamed for failing to understand your problems." He sounded so serious and I was shocked. No teacher ever gave a damn about me and now he's the one actually caring for me. He said, "I also came to know that you were suicidal, Mr Thorat and even had gone to commit it."

And I was subdued by his words. This is the first time I was scared of him as a student. 

"You know, nobody much knows of it but when I was of your age I was also suicidal and at that time it was my father who talked me out of it. He's not in this world now but I remember his words. And I know how it feels to feel an outcast. I just want you to know that you are not alone. You have us." he meant you too. "So if you ever feel depressed or get some stupid thoughts of ending your life, just call me and don't you even dare to take such step in life."

I nodded quietly. He was feeling emotional but suppressed it. "You can do it, Mr. Thorat. Don't give up."

And then you were passing by a hallway and you saw me with him and said my name with surprise, "PIYUSH." 
"May God save you from him now," said Rafiq sir and I wished the same. I knew I'd get a furious reply from you for not being honest with you. 

Then we went to your computer lab and were talking and you were angry that I didn't tell you about the issues, understandable but still surprising that a teacher will really care about me. But then again, you are Mr Anderson to my Charlie. 

There, our talk was the most inspiring moment for me.
"Why would you even consider to do such things? And why are you depressed?"

"There are lots of things. I wouldn't be able to explain it to you."

"Is it your studies? Just leave it if it is killing your soul."

"And then do what? Work in some hotel, cleaning tables?"

"Are you really like those materialistic people in the world? Because as much as I have figured you out, you don't really care about materialistic things."

"I already feel horrible for being nothing compared to those guys in my class."

"Are you comparing yourself with them? Those idiots who think that they are successful in life because they got few extra marks from someone else in their class? There are thousands of classroom every year and there are thousands of such idiots put in them, it is rare to find someone holding an interest in literature and music."

"I don't even know if I can write anything. What if I make an attempt and fail so horribly? I'd be a loser even there too as I am here in my classes."

"If you are afraid of being a bad writer and that's why you won't try to become one then you are the stupidest person I have ever seen because if you think being a good manager in some company will make everything okay with you then you are wrong. Be a bad one at what you really are than being good at something that you really aren't."

I went back to home after our talk and met my then best friend Juno. I talked to her about it and asked her to help me out for studies. Rafiq sir didn't want me to give up and you didn't want me to suffer for the things I didn't like. I had both teachers to listen to and I decided to find a way through that. 

She helped me and I completed my graduation in first-class in Amravati and I was out of your touch for years. Mostly my batchmates will ask me that when I am good at studies then why don't I try to make the top, why do I settle for good marks and be okay with it. They didn't know what I wanted to be, academics was to get a job, also to follow what Rafiq sir had said.  

Then back in January 2018, a very shattering news came to me. Rafiq sir was no more. Heart attack in his thirties. Such a young age to go and I was so shocked. I asked you just one question that "Is it true?"
and you replied, "Sadly, yes."

I was so shattered by the news. I was trying to focus on my studies but seeing my difficulties my brother, Abhijeet told me to take time to grieve. It still stings me that when I'll have a job one day in future, he wouldn't be there to see it. He would never know. So sometimes I wonder, is there even any point in going on with the old promises? 

I was having something for you too. I was writing a book sir and wanted to surprise you. And when it was to published I just wanted to say you that, I've made it Sir. And I just wanted to see you feeling proud of me, that I fought and got what I wanted. 

But, after writing 180 pages I am finally giving up the book. I loved that story a lot. It was based upon my friendship with Juno and had really great scenes in it but sadly those exact scenes have become a torture to me. I know I have read that "The Old Man and the Sea." book and I must not give up and hold on no matter how painful things get. But it is affecting my performance here in PGDM too and in the worst way it is affecting me. Very valuable people lost by the mistake of one and I am the one paying the price for it. When you have old good memories they eventually become torture when your present is mundane.  
 

I guess fear of poverty is greater than passion of dream. It hurts me to fail to bring that reality in my life now I am so nihilistic. I am reading Fredrich Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil, I hope that will help with this pain that I am going through. 

I am sorry that I am a sad story, that's why I said I feel like Charlie after many years. 

But not everything is sad in my life. I still have issues with Thorat Sir and don't feel connected with my parents and that's the more reason I guess I miss Pamela (David story character) but there is my best friend, Hrishi and he is an idiot. And I hate him a lot because he talks all the time about money. And he's really bad at handling emotions, even for his own things in life, he just suppresses it. But he's supportive and tries his best to be there for me so even if sometimes I hate him for some reasons I can't say it to him. I love him, he's my brother and he wants me to make new friends in my life, despite I feel suffocation in PGDM.

I am not like those who want to make new friends, I am often happy with my old ones and intend to keep them but it often happens that my old friends got some new friends and now we are not much in contact. So when Hrishi asks me to find some new friends in my new college in Pune, I sometimes feel like he is preparing me for the same thing. The thing is if I have one good friend then I don't really need anyone but situations are teachings me new lessons in life and I have been trying to make new friends.

So in ISBS, I am trying to make friends, all I really want to be myself, a silent introvert and keeps away from all the drama but time is really forcing me to be friends with people. And I am trying, as I am saying it repeatedly. I've made few friends, one is also an introvert and her family owns restaurants in Pune, so I've made plans with her for Sea Food. She's gonna teach me how to have it, I haven't had seafood, so I really don't know how to have crabs, shells and Prawns, all I know how to have a fish. 

Another friend of mine, well as she read my short story of David and came to know about my interest in literature and books, and then recently when she found out that I am currently writing a story for my high school crush on my blog, so she requested me that if I ever write a story based on my time in ISBS, her name would not be changed and should be as it is. I guess that gives her lots of happiness seeing the part of the story. I smiled delightedly and agreed to her wish. She's also gonna help me to find a real-life Alexa who shall have interest in books too. 

I got one good friend too, he's from Amravati and he's sort of too emotional chubby guy. He has a crush on a mam and I make memes on him and entertain the whole section by it. I hope he doesn't mind it. He's interested in movies too and takes my suggestions for movies. It feels good. And some are just I talk to and I want to be on good terms with almost everyone but I must admit with some I already had conflicts. Some I thought would be really good friends to me but I guess they wouldn't be. And that's fine... I don't have to like everyone there and not everyone has to like me. I just need a handful of friends and I can be happy as hell. 

Some of them are really curious about my age and I keep it a mystery. When they keep badgering that question to me then I answer them that I was born at a time when whole India was in chaos. They get confused and I get amused because then they stop asking me that. I hope one day one of them will figure that out, it's not that hard. 

Don't worry about me Thakur Sir, I'll be alright there. I want to make you proud and one day I will. I know I have taken a vow that I shall not show you my face until I get a job and on that day I will return to you. 

Love Always 

Piyush      

P.S.: There is a mam in my new college with whom I often talk via mails about books. It seems here the time will go better. She suggests me books and I do read them and leave her my review. And This year my challenge is to read 48 books, I am past 24 up to now which is behind the schedule but college is keeping me busy as hell. 

It is a page from "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." I am so happy that it was the first book that I had gifted you. This also shows that the pattern of the blog is as same as the writing of the book. 

This is me these days...happy and sad...and it's really weird.

This reminds me of that friend who had asked me to keep her name as it is if I write any story on my life in ISBS. I will make her find me a bookish Girlfriend... I guess that's a nice plot.

I hope I'll get good, trustworthy friends there. 

But until then...

I am dying to feel INFINITE. 

Hopscotch Life in Virtual Reality (College Blog)

What a wonderful time this is. Everything is gone virtual and there is no human interaction. 

Perhaps it's only me who'd find it comforting and desirable. 

Hi, my name is Piyush and I'm an introvert. And this is perhaps the best time for someone like me to live. 

I know, I know; you might not be having a great time and you are probably feeling trapped in your home, but that's how I often feel when somebody forces me to go out into people. Perhaps now "Extroverts" can understand my suffering. 😄

I was just teasing a bit, I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad but I wanted to show you guys the other side of the picture. This pandemic has forced everyone to be locked into the home and they are getting mad. Obviously, it doesn't apply to me, not because I already am mad, but this is how life is for an introvert. Into the home most of the time, avoiding people and even if there are barely few friends in our lives then we rather prefer to be in touch with them via social sites but would rarely talk on phone calls. 

When this lockdown was imposed then my few friends and mostly my family member said to me, "It wouldn't have affected you right? Your life was always limited to your room. What's suffering to us all is Normal life to someone like you."

Trust me I never felt this better hearing those words. But I was mildly pleased too for seeing their emotional sufferings, it's like one in a billion wish came true. They always wanted me to go out and mix into the people be friends with them and I, on the contrary, wanted them to get into their home and be in solitude and learn to befriend with themselves. When you are alone, eventually you learn to be your own friend. I am my own friend. 

I have tons of books in my room. I love to read a lot. And I was thinking that when my college starts, I'd want to have at least one friend there who'd share a common interest in literature. So that I can feel comfortable there but thanks to this pandemic everything went virtual. My interview for college was also conducted on phone and that was so comfortable, at least I could speak out something if I was there sitting before that person, I'd not be able to utter a single word. Fortunately I got selected and that was some pleasing news at my home. Something positive in these negative times.

My best friend, who is an utter idiot, was in Pune at that period and cases of this virus were rising in Pune and I was so concerned for him, so I'd often make excuses regarding admission process and was seeking his guidance step by step, but secretly was ensuring that he is okay. Yeah, despite having a best friend I am still hesitant to ask him direct questions. Sometimes I do hate my too introvert nature, but he's used to it and doesn't judge me for that, and I guess that's the best part of our friendship. I have a plan to write another short story too and in that, I'm gonna develop a character inspired by him. Maybe that's my way to express myself, I'm not good at speaking out but writing down. 

Yes, despite reading books I also love to write a little and here I am, enlisting for Management Studies. What an ironic thing that is. But the best part is that because of this pandemic my college has also gone virtual, which is quite frustrating and disappointing for most of the batchmates of mine but not for me. We all came into the eyes of each other in our induction programme which was also virtual, obviously. Nothing but names on screen and I guess, just like me, others were also checking who are their batch mates. 

So there are ways to meet people by not interacting with them physically. NICE. I like that. 😂  

Alright I was just nagging on extroverts. Here I can speak, but when it's about-face to face conversation I'd automatically turn mute. It's not that I wouldn't have something to say, I often have many things to say but it's incapability to say that makes me mute. But I talk a lot when it's social sites and that feels so comfortable to me for instance I can talk to a person without seeing his/her uninterested, boring, judgemental face.  

Well, everything is not okay as I am making it to believe. Things are pretty bad with me too as they are with all of them. There were stressful times that what if that virus spreads to where I live and my loved ones are affected by it. There was too much panic at one time and I was so stressed like most. And after a period I stopped watching that overdramatized news. I understand that News channel had become an essential source of information when people can't go out of their own house, but they were also creating really panicking perception too. And as I saw how people less fortunate than me were suffering, it only brought guilt to me for having a better situation in life than them. 

So back to the college: the admission process was also online and I had to pay fees online which was quite unusual even for me. Well, it was doubtful at that period that I am not seeing any faculty nor even a college premises and yet I am paying fees to ghost institute. Even a thought of getting into Fraud had crossed my mind and I was tensed. The amount was too big and Thorat Sir would have killed me, for sure if I had lost the money by sending it to the wrong bank account. 

But then my best friend convinced me that it's good to be sceptical but relax, this is how the procedure is this time and it's reliable. So I was semi assured. I paid my first installment with full of scepticism in my mind. But soon after a few days, I was offered a DIGITAL SLIP for my first instalment and I was amused. 'So this is how it is going to be.' I said to myself. Gradually as the admission team was in contact via phone or whats' app, I was getting convinced to go for it and my scepticism was declining. 

In mid-July our Induction programme had started then I was convinced little more. I guess there were many who faced similar doubts like me. I guess it was the new kind of challenge for the institution to convince people that education can be conducted even in this troubling time. As it was a different kind of experience for students like me, it was totally new for them too, and surely full of unprecedented challenges. 

Virtual connectivity had created much scepticism in our lives at that time and there are still many and they keep changing time to time. For instance, at the beginning, it was my duty to convince my parents that it's possible to conduct online college, which was quite difficult but as the admission team kept guiding me time to time, I was passing the same information to them and they were also getting little bit convinced. 

In the Induction Session, I had understood how my lectures will be and how other students might behave, including me. If there was some activity which was uninteresting for the majority of the students then they would rather have conversation and troll on what's app group. Oh yeah, we all were connected with each other swiftly. I guess it's another benefit of this virtual life, one doesn't have to ask for number anymore they can just get it and contact anyone. Lovelorns must be pleased with this opportunity. But as per the time being, nothing conflicting happened among students and they went well together. That's nice to see even for an introvert like me. 

I see how people are quite supportive of each other. They crack jokes and they troll and they get along and it's all happening when all of them are still at their own homes. Then someone enthusiastic takes initial and brings all of them together by conducting a private meet up session on any video conference platform. Everyone is so cheerful on a video conference with batchmates but not that enthusiastic in lectures. I know even Teachers do understand and know these things but they don't speak of it. They do know that students talk on what's app group while the lectures are going on or some of the students keep logged in to the class and do other stuff and teachers are well aware of it and even they do know how students are desperate to come to college and live their college life. 

Me? Well, I am quite comfortable like this too but I wouldn't mind to go to college soon. It would be intimidating at the beginning but I guess even I am gaining couple of friends and they would help me to adjust there. I spent all my life feeling quite uncomfortable and anxious in the premises of schools and colleges, for that I had even made some memes. But life won't go on taking out notes by screenshots. This period will also pass and this short time fun will remain special for me. 

But until then I must enjoy what I enjoy, being in my room and attending all the lectures. And it's fun actually if you seem like there are things that are changed but yet nothing much has changed. When a student gives the wrong answer in class, others would laugh on him/her and here they'd be trolled on what's app group. I had one experience for myself, to be honest. There were passing of paper notes in class, hiding from the teacher when we were in high schools, now we all just send what's app text to each other while being in an online class. 

We don't even have to worry about our appearance. Nobody is seeing us and our camera is off most of the time, which is quite convenient, to be honest. I can eat my breakfast while attaining my first online lecture in the morning and the teacher would not even rebuke me, because he/she will not even know about it. We all have eaten our tiffin in ongoing lectures in our highschool, perhaps this is somewhat similar to that but surely not that thrilling as it used to be in those days. 

When the teacher asks a question then as a result there is silence sometimes, it may seem that students are not interested in lecture but all the students think that someone else might talk and nobody talks for a few seconds. That also teaches new norms in this virtual life. 

I wish there was a school of music too and of literature and there would be a job after that. 😂 I know it seems too good to be true. A few years back I had given up academics for similar reasons, and even if there are such schools then they are hidden in the crowd of Colleges of Engineering, Medical, Law, Management and many other. I ended up with Management College and getting quite a new experiences there. And to be honest, it is also fun. It's not me who is clueless, there are students too who are clueless regarding their specialization. Faculty has assured them that they will help to them accordingly. 

This is another level surprise to me that Faculty is willing to help students to find their own specialization. In my previous academic experience, all I received was rebuke and lectures. 😂

But there is one thing I am quite sure of and that is all my batchmates are quite eager to see college and see and meet up the person in real to whom they are connected virtually. When the college opens then there would be a different kind of celebration on the premises. All those who's been connected virtually for months will hug each other when they meet up in real. They would be so glad to finally see each other in real. Some would be so happy to see faculty members, and faculty members would be equally pleased too to their virtual students in real. And it would look like people are so pleased to meet each other after a long time, though it would be the first time they'd be seeing each other. 

What about me? Well, I'd probably observe everything around me and then write down all these beautiful memories on a piece of paper. I'm much of a quiet sort of person in real but there is one thing I would definitely say. And that is:

Mr. Putin, please send some vaccines here, I really need to go the college now. 😄

 

Depression : A Rising Issue in Our Lives

Everybody Needs Somebody To Talk To. 

I heard that line in a very famous American Crime-Drama series named "Person of Interest." This line was primarily used by a character named 'John Reese' to the main character of the series named 'Harold Finch'. Harold is known to be a very private person and does not have any attachments with anyone. His relationship with Mr Reese was highly professional for him and everything else was always calculated. Seeing Harold perturbed by something, Mr Reese tells him that everybody needs somebody to talk to.

There it hit me so hard when I was watching that scene. Why? Because I felt that need too and I lacked that kind of person in my life. 

I often had difficulties in making new friends growing up; with the help of my hard-earned friend I could increase the number of friend list. I had lots of fun with them. I enjoyed a lot and even had food at restaurants with them. Life felt so good but despite that, I was unhappy inside. There were issues which were causing troubles in my life and I was getting disturbed because of that a lot. After years the depression finally came to me.

You know why I told you that I had all this great time with my friends but still talking about depression, because that's the thing about depression. We all look alive and yet we are constantly dying inside. 

It looked so great to post photos with them on social sites but as much as the friendship cast the impression of strong bonding on social sites, it was so fragile in real. I had to think hundreds of times before talking to them about anything. I could not frankly and freely talk about issues and sometimes I tried and they made jokes about it or took it too lightly. 

"You worry too much." that's what I always got to hear from people when I tried to speak them about something that was bothering me. And that response was so frustrating and also embarrassing. It only made me feel that I am weak and can't handle stress like everyone is doing just so fine. 

I lacked the people with whom I could just talk what was wrong with me and also faced trouble of incapability of making new friends at the same time. 

Being stuck with negative or careless people is a worse situation a person could be. Sometimes we get treated unfairly in this world. We try to do something good with good intentions in our heart but they are not recognized by others as we expect them to do. More often we experience that we are highly misunderstood by the people around us and all it seems that they just take the negative perspective of what you do. It is so frustrating and it drives us all really mad. Later on, after enough consistent experiences like these, you start to give up and change yourself, tough inconsiderate person. If anyone questions that then we all have that mugged response in our tongue that it's better to be tough towards people than being exploited or opinionated by them. 

What is depression really is? It's a complex disorder in our emotions, often companied by saddening thoughts of ourselves and of the world around us.

In depression, we are constantly thinking negatively about ourselves and of the world in a very overdramatic way. Which sounds overestimating and inconsiderate to our friends but fair to us. 

We all are depressed for various reasons but there are some common traits into depressed people. It's often shown on the internet or on media that the depression is caused by a failure in academics or in the profession. Depression is not merely limited to failures in academics or in the profession but failures of other kinds too; such as: failing to cope up with the rapidly changing world where nothing is permanent anymore.

But what I truly believe is that we all are depressed because deep down we all feel the incapability to connect with someone.  

All this technology, all these facilities in today's technological world which claim to bring people together and yet we are looking for somebody? Technology had served us a lot and also in the best possible way but it had also taken many important things from our lives. Endurance is the first thing. 

We are growing impatient and we all want everything to happen so fast, just like our fast gadgets or high-speed internet. A slow internet is so frustrating because it makes us feel left behind in some race that we are trapped into. We want to know what's happening before everyone else so that we wouldn't feel ourselves outdated. Lucky are those who do not think this way. 

We must post our pictures on social media showing our achievements and then we crave for maximum likes to our picture or any post. The greater the number of likes, the greater our chances to be liked by people. The strange thing is that we are determining our value by the likes we get on our picture. 

Why we won't be depressed then? When we are constantly comparing our lives with someone else's then we are causing the depression by our own hands. Why are we all falling for this invisible trap? Because deep down we all want to be liked and accepted by the people. 

No matter how famous celebrity you are in the world, after a period people will throw you into oblivion. They naturally get busy with their own lives. Why do we crave for the things that won't even last? Maybe because it gives temporary comfort of our constant wound that deep down we are all alone and nobody's coming to save you. 

I kept looking for friends who could empathize with me and would not make me feel misfit like the rest of the people. I must admit that I encountered many disappointing failures in the process of acquiring one person whom I could talk to. I experienced that when I was having a weak moment and I tried to speak about the suffering inside my heart, to my utter surprise the reaction that I got was, "This is nothing. There are worst problems too than this. Stop overthinking."

I would get wordless because my thinking capacity would be paralyzed with their such insensitive comment. I experienced the exertion of getting to number one in every aspect of life to be accepted and appreciated. What I did not know is that in order to gain people's actual interest as well as their sympathy, my pain had to be of some standard where it would be entertained by them. 

What I learnt from that experience is that when I find someone who is depressed, I must take care of the thing that I don't even accidentally judge his/her capacity to feel the suffering and his/her suffering. Everyone is different and everyone wants something different, it's just not fair to judge which pain is more considered and which not. 

But then how do we go on with our miserable life into the people filled with insensitive behaviour?

Well, we all know this famous advice from a Game of Thornes character named Tyrion Lannister, "Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like an armour so that it can never be used to hurt you." Undoubtedly this advice has influenced millions of lives in the world, mine is one of them. I grew up ashamed of almost everything in my life. My failures, my incapabilities, my situation in life even the problematic financial situation at my home. I was so embarrassed in my childhood that I would not celebrate my own birthday because I don't have as good clothes as my other friends do or I don't have a video game, like my friends. And the time I had received a video game they had shifted to PC games or Play Station. So even that little achievement felt like a complete failure. Funny how pain never stops but it keeps changing its forms. 

Today I notice in teenagers that it's about a different gadget, a mobile phone. You'd see that there is almost everyone who measures their own standard of living by how expensive their phone is. There is a category of people too in our society that they show off their expensive possessions, especially their mobile phones of particular brands, just to patronize others as well as to feel better than rest of the people.

Because that is what gives them the feeling of being better than others. If you think that owning expensive things, not just phone but any other things is going to make you happy then the answer is no. Just because you own a latest phone doesn't mean you are gonna get ten extra calls, the number of people calling you would still remain the same when you used your old phone. I got a new phone for myself a few days back when the old one was out of the function after use of four years and yet only the same two numbers called me. My comfort was increased by the new phone but not my happiness.  

Heartbreaks are often highlighted by teenagers these days to show their depression. Which is quite amusing for adults like me and somewhere even I judge them for having such mental condition by their own hands. To them I just want to say something directly: Bro, you fought with your parents for mobile phone, for a new bike, new clothes and shoes, for anything that will make you noticeable in the eyes of the girl you want to impress and also for fitting into the expectations of your peers. 

Now just think for a moment that you had to have all these things to get that girl in your life and then she leaves you after some period and you are wounded that she did not value your worth. Excuse me bro but what the fuck man? When you had to use expensive possessions to attract her attention then how could you complain about she didn't value your worth? Did you ever use your own worth in the first place to attract her attention? No, then don't be surprised if there was someone else who owned many expensive things than you. Learn the difference between the people who value you for your possession and those who value you for your own intrinsic qualities. 

In our India people are so focused on their skin colour. They think that fair skin colour is equal to beauty. As if girls with dark shade doesn't look beautiful. But when society had largely accepted this idea that fair skin is beauty then it's only natural that girls with dark complexion would feel unwanted. We all can see that when it's about marriage, no matter how stupid the boy looks or how dark complexion he has, him and his families would without consideration expect a girl to be of fair complexion. Girls with dark complexion do get trouble to get married and that's really excruciating reason that ultimately brings depression in their lives. 

I, myself, once considered that fair skin means I'd look handsome. That thinking, I would describe, as the unfortunate consequence of misleading advertisement of skincare products. Even I used cream and applied it to my face in the hope that I'd be fair after the use of a few weeks. And then my crush would be attracted to my fair skin face. Well, I still laugh on older version for that. But you know what's the best thing I also learnt, when I was willing to accept my crush even without knowing anything about her, including her faults.... why can't she accept me with my own natural skin colour?

I threw away that half-used fairness cream tube. I accepted myself with my natural skin colour and it made me feel so relaxed. Now at this age I don't even think about the skin colour. It simply doesn't even matter and not even problematic enough to depress me. I am comfortable with my own skin colour. In fact, I'm proud of it. And you know what that high school crush of mine, she did find me handsome in my own natural colour. 

Always remember what Epictetus said, 'It is not the event that actually hurts us, it's our interpretation of them on us.'

Another prime reason for Depression in our lives is that feeling of left behind than the rest of the world. I experienced that very brutally in my life. I constantly failed into my academics because of my chronic issues related to it, one of it was exam phobia. I failed in my 10th standard that too in Marathi subject because I had a fight with my father just an hour before my exam and I took out that frustration my exam. A whimsical mistake brought heavy regret in coming months. I had fallen behind from the people with whom I had spent 10+ years in academics. 

Later on I failed twice in my 12th standard and even on the third attempt I only passed in two subjects, remaining I cleared in October attempt. Knowing that my career is fucked up I had lost hope for the better future. I felt much depressed due to it and I became complete hopeless in my life. I'd watch my batchmates wearing that black cloak on the convocation days of their college and their pictures with their proud parents would make me feel so bad about myself. I could never make my parents proud. I was too embarrassed of myself that I went to the seclusion for two years. 

I got failed in academics and for that, I've got trolled hundreds of times in my life. It's a worse feeling that you actually have potentials in you but you are failing to use them for progress. Now when I read in books then I understand the economic and psychological reasons behind it. But then I watched that episode where Tyrion gives that advance and it started to change me. 

Once an incidence occurred with me. I was with my friend at his home and his mother asked me a question that what you are doing these days? I answered casually that I failed in my graduation year so it's a year drop for me. And she seemed stunned with that answer. She said, 'And you are telling it like it's not a big deal?' I replied yes. Seeing at my indifference she said, 'You should have shame for it.' and I laughed and said, 'Why should I?' she seemed perplexed. 'I am not trying to hide the weak side of my life and even if I tried people will find it anyway, so why should I keep shame for my failures? They are going to use it anyway to make me feel bad about it. It's better to be shameless about it and not allow them to bring me down.' 

By that answer she seemed so impressed, 'Clever boy.' that's what she said and went to the kitchen taking our empty cups of tea. Remember one thing: 'Shame is a tool other people want you to keep with yourself so that they can hurt you with their convenience.' But it also does not mean that one should go and start behaving rudely with others. One must take things as they are being said and with the intentions they are said. 

Just know one thing that the internet has given access even to assholes out there who can inflict their bitter opinions upon people whom they don't like. I have re-formulated that reading habit in me. So mostly I put about books and quotes on my Instagram or What's app stories. That certainly shows others my love for books and some text me that you must be knowledgeable by now, you read a lot, after all. Me? The knowledgable one? All this time I was thinking myself a curious fool.  

But then you do encounter some people who deliberately want to cast you down. Some will even patronize you for your lack of knowledge. So basically lack of money is not the only problem. You know what some people just want to make you feel bad about yourself, no matter what you do. They are doing that to you because they are scared of the potentials you have inside you to be a really good person. They judge you bitterly because in their subconscious minds that's what they truly think of themselves. It's not your fault, it's theirs. 

Opinions of others does hurt us, doesn't it? But why should we even let it affect us when it's not even permanent. People's opinions change with the time. One shouldn't be happy with the good opinions of people about them because that too is temporary. 

We all have turned our lives really miserable in recent years, haven't we? I mean we are secretly competing with people around us. Because now our sense of satisfaction is based upon the idea of having things better than those around us. We scale our happiness by comparing our possessions with others if our possessions are better than other only then we feel content with them. How sad that is. 

And in that comparison, one most important thing is also crushed and that is our own dream.

Always remember that the definition of success is not what other people define it to you, it is what you define for yourself. You are different my friend and your success will be different too from the other people. And you know what, it's okay that they do not understand your definition of success. They really don't have to. What is most important that you are happy with your success, don't just compare it with someone else's definition of success. Your dream is far too bigger for their definition of success, my dear friend. Just don't insult your dream by fitting it into their definition of success. 

It's often said that one must talk with people about their sufferings but what we are forgetting is that it's our own insensitive behaviour that has caused such hesitation to them from expressing their pain. 

We must not say that 'Talk out your problem with someone.' Instead, we ought to focus on the point that the next person will feel comfortable to speak out to us, knowing that you would not make fun of it. 

As years passed I finally managed to get a couple of friends who truly care about me and do not let me feel embarrassed about myself. They give their attention and their time to listen to me. I share with them all the good and bad things happening with me. Sometimes I'd be depressed and I'd call them and bore with my stupid anxieties. And they would just calmly listen to it so that I can just take it all out without hesitation. 

Sometimes it does happen that I'm feeling anxious and I call them but they are occupied with their other important things. Then it hurts primarily but then I tell myself that they are stuck too into the schedule and it would not be possible for them to be available for me at any given time. Then I chose to deal with it by myself and barely gets successful. By the end of the day, I'd have forgotten about it but then at night when I get a call from my friends after they are free from their job or college. 

Their such care for me heals that wound by their mere act of calling me back. 

These are dark times and there's no denying to that. We all are going through something. And the truth is that we have become emotionally vulnerable generation. For that, we must learn the simple act of empathy. As well as we must learn how to become emotionally strong because it wouldn't be possible that there's always going to be someone else on the other end of the phone call. Sometimes it's just you. You live temporarily with people, the only people you live permanently is yourself. Better make it a good company to be with, don't you think?

Depression is much complex topic than what I can possibly try to explain. I, myself, am a learner of it. Sooner I'd be reading a famous work by Sigmund Freud, 'Interpretation of Dreams.' Hopefully my knowledge would be developed with time. 

What my personal solution to depressing thought is that it is to change with other thoughts and for that I use mediums like Books, Movies and Music.

Here are some books I'd love to suggest you all to read. That would help on many levels of your lives.

1. How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. - Dale Carnegie (Title tells what this book is about.)

2. The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway (This book will teach how to not give up.)

3. You Can Win - Shiv Khera. (Highly works upon developing your mindset.)

4. Life's Amazing Secret - Gaur Gopal Das (It teaches about ordeals of our lives and how to handle them.)

5. Veronica Decides to Die - Paulo Coelho (It's about a girl attempting suicide and her experience at a mental institution. Good Positive book that teaches a lot and gives us hope.)

6. Meditation - Marcus Aurelius (1700 years old wisdom on stoic philosophy.)

7. Letters from Stoic - Seneca (2000 years old letters containing lessons of Stoic Philosophy.)

Movies that will help you if you are feeling Depressed:

1. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) - (This is world's best movie to watch for many things. It will teach you to persevere and maintain the hope even in the darkest periods of your life.)

2. The Pursuit of Happyness (2006) - (Feeling depressed because of financial and familial issues? Just go watch it. You'd be happy after watching this one.)

3. Fight Club (1999) - (My god this movie is one of it's kind. Trust Me. Are you feeling agitated with your own life and felt trapped into mundane schedule of life? This movie will teach you many things that you've been taking seriously which really need not to take into consideration at all.)

4. Silver Linings Playbook (2012) - (Suffering from mood swings and difficulty to cope with things because you believe that life wouldn't be better? Well you can be happy, you can see at silver linings. Just go for this one.)

5. Amelie (2001) - (This weirdo Amelie is gonna cheer your mood and you'd learn how to be happy with little pleasures of life. This french movie is truly unique in its own way.)

6. Good Will Hunting (1997) - (Some people can't believe in them until someone believes in them. If you are looking for someone to believe in you then just go for this movie and even if you are not, still go for it anyway. We blame ourselves for all the wrong things happened to people around us, just know that "It's not your fault.")

7. It's A Wonderful Life (1946) - (Life is hard and it gets unfair. You will feel helpless moments and also hopeless with difficult times but despite that what this movie teaches us is that life is truly wonderful.)

Music:

1. Ramin Djawadi

2. Matia Cupelli 

3. Hans Zimmer

4. Bach 

5. Vivaldi

6. Mozart 

7. Audiomachine 

8. Two Steps from Hell

Just search these names on YouTube and I guarantee you that you'd not be disappointed. 

Depression is derived from our emotional interpretation of the things. Let's make a habit of judging the events of our lives with facts and see them as they are. Because the wise Seneca once said, "We Suffer More Often in Imagination than in Reality."

And suicide is not a solution. I understand that life could be such a bitch sometimes. "Sometimes even to live is an act of courage." that too was said by wise Seneca. What we all need to do in such times is to talk with one another.

Let's just talk and most importantly, let's just learn to listen first. 

How Much India’s Daughters Are Safe?

“Societies think they operate by something called morality, but they don’t. They operate by something called law. You’re not guilty of anything merely by working in Auschwitz. Eight Thousand people worked at Auschwitz. Precisely nineteen have been convicted and only six for murder. To prove murder, you have to prove intent. That’s the law.  The question is never was it wrong, but was it legal.”

These lines are from 2008’s famous Oscar nominated movie “The Reader.”

The intent of writing these lines here is to give clear idea about the function of law in any nation, despite their public outrage for some sensational case of injustice or crime. Such incidence occurred recently in our country India. A 26 years old veterinary doctor in Hyderabad, on 27 November 2019, was gang raped and brutally killed and burnt.  After three days of this savage incidence, 30^th November 2019, the whole nation was in outrage over the incidence.

Such incidence is not new for our nation; we have known such heinous and inhuman cases before that shook the entire nation “Nirbhaya Rape Case in December 2012 in Delhi.” And in every 20 minutes such cycle is repeated within our country.

Repeated events like these generate public outrage and beg the questions on efficiency of law and order within the country. India has been listed on top spot of the index of the most unsafe country in the world for the women, which as a citizen of this great nation brings shame to us all and fills our heart with haunting fear. “What if unfortunate event like this occurs with my sister? Or my friend or my wife or my mother or anyone that I know and care about? How will I keep the people I love and care about safe in such unsafe country for women?”

When a woman is raped after every twenty minutes in a country, which is known for its pure culture where a woman is treated as deity, then it is only natural for the new generation to question their own culture. But it also brings outrage and that outrage creates disorder in the civilized society of the world’s largest democracy.

But question is what the reasons are of such outrage? Are there not laws that provide JUSTICE? Is there no system within our country that ensures women safety? Is there no police force that takes actions against such perpetrators?

Answer is there IS, but problem is it is not functioning up to the need of its citizen. Mainly the problem within our country with law and order or court is that the procedure is sluggish and the courts are filled with piles of new cases before the prosecution of the previous one even begins.

According to a 2018 survey of 15,562 respondents across 22 states on perceptions about policing, the Lokniti team at the Centre for the Study of Developing Societies (CSDS) found that less than 25% of Indians trust the police. Such distrust is caused by the frustration which comes with the interaction with the police, no quick response to the people who files complaints and repeated pending work causes people to lose faith on the efficiency of Police force. It is also a bitter fact about Indian Police force, according to the latest survey by Mint Newspaper; there are only 144 police officers for 100,000 citizens, which is far behind to what United Nations recommended ratio off 222.  

Police strength is subject to variation state to state in India, but state like Uttar Pradesh, Bihar, Andhra Pradesh and West Bengal’s police forces are all extremely understaffed with less than 100 police staff for 100,000 population.

The 2016 Crime in India Report published by National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), Government of India. As of 2016, Delhi is the least safe State/UT with the highest cognizable crime rate of 160.4 (per 100,000 persons) and Uttar Pradesh has the highest incidence of crime on women based on percentage of share ^[1]. Nagaland has the lowest crime rate against women. Lakshwadeep has the lowest incidence of crime based on the percentage of share. But that does not mean for the citizen of any other state to feel the complacency, just because the state they live in does not top such list, means crimes against women aren’t happening. They are still happening. The gravity of such injustice is still severe and constantly prevailing.

India is not just all about bad for women; in fact, The National Crime Records Bureau of India suggests a reported rape rate of 2 per 100,000 people, which is far less compared to world’s most advanced nations 27 per 100,000. Conviction rate in India is 25% but the country which ruled India for 200 years has 7% conviction rate. Media will sensationalize such matters by exaggerating the facts and giving the impression to their viewers that their country is becoming a rape capitol or vice versa for the sake of TRP. But a proud citizen will be wounded to hear such news about his nation but a proud citizen shall not have biased feelings if he is well informed too. India has been characterized as one of the "countries with the lowest per capita rates of rape".

But does that make it all okay? No it doesn’t. When family members of the victims are to wait for year and years to get justice by court then they start to lose hope of getting one, it is itself another injustice to them. Consequently people within the country start losing the confidence in their judiciary system. And when such rape cases occur in the country then an outrage emerges out of it. People demand quick justice and that is to hang the accused as soon as possible or public lynching. 

But in the eyes of the law, even accused has judicial rights, they can’t be instantly sentenced to lifetime imprisonment or to be hanged, just because of public sentiment demands it. Law has no regard for public sentiments; it operates within its own rules. Justice is an abstract concept, which differs from person to person but law; the laws of the country are same for its every citizen.

What are the reasons that despite all the development in recent decade in our country, basic right of justice takes such a long time to be delivered? It is mainly because as our police force is under recruited, there are more than 40% vacancies in our Judiciary as well. (According to Mint Newspaper)

In 2016, Chief Justice T. S. Thakur breaks down, right in the presence of our Hon. Prime Minister, because he was also wounded as a citizen of this nation to see the state of Judiciary system within the country. How people are losing their confidence on their own Judiciary System despite the best work of Judges. There are still people in the country who have faith in Judicial System but despite everything, nothing seems to be moving.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9asEYHGlHI

On 6^th of December 2019, all the four accused in Hyderabad Rape case were encountered when they tried to flee. After that most of the people felt that instant justice is served.  

Why such time did come to us? Why did people felt it as instant justice? It’s all because they are losing trust in their own judicial system. After all these years the convicted criminals are still not punished in Nirbhaya case. They were to be punished on 22^nd January 2020 but due to plea appeals and judicial procedure it is scheduled on 1^st February 2020 on 6 a.m. The authorities alleged that the four adult convicts were intentionally delaying the legal process so that their execution could be postponed. People showed their tolerance, their patience but after seven years when thousands of innocent women are raped and murdered, may be nobody can question their celebration for this instant justice.

As accused have right of judicial procedure, victims have RIGHT of getting JUSTICE in TIME.

Those who have tremendous respect for law and order shall feel bad about such circumstances, they would expect the justice to be provided after full judicial procedure, so that it will sustain faith of people in the country’s judicial system. They are well aware that event like these, such instant justice shall give some temporary relief but the crimes shall not cease to repeat. And only laws can protect their fellow citizens. No matter what people must not act above the laws.

There are two sides, those who still count on their judicial system and those who have lost their confidence over judicial system. And both of them are right on their own way. I, however, appeal people to create pressure on system to take swift actions against crimes against India’s Daughters. It is people of this great nation that holds the power not the government, not the system, but we the people.

I urge every officer who is working in the system, to shake off their apathy and remember the oath they had taken to protect the constitutional rights of its citizen. I understand that those who are working to serve us are not being served well for their services to our nation. Polices are overworked, they are also humans after all and can’t get time with their own children while they are obligated to protect families of people like us. Judges are short and overworked, as Hon. Justic T. S. Thakur said in 2016.

Every sector in our country has its own problems but I believe that when we determine ourselves to act against such inhuman activities only then a good and prosperous change shall come. There are good police officers too in our country but they are usually awarded with transfer and humiliation by a corrupt system. If we wouldn’t act, nothing shall change. We as a citizen must not only expect everything from government or police forces. We should also act responsibly. We also have duties towards nation. Least we can do is to help another in difficult circumstances. When you are witnessing injustice, don’t stay silent, unite and act against perpetrators for sake of defending the victims but we must never take law into our own hands.

Outrage and hatred in women against such rapist can’t be measured, it will be impossible to measure even to the god himself. And in such flow of hatred women must not blame it all on another gender. Not all men are rapists. Even men encounter sexual assaults from women. This is also a reality. But even men are scared after such incidences, not because they are men but they are scared for the safety of their sisters, their friends, their mother, their wife and anyone they care about.

Women’s outrage against patriarchal society is absolutely and unequivocally right, because the causes of rapes show that patriarchal mentality is root of the problem. 

Mentality of Rapist:

·        In Anger Rape the goal of rapist to humiliate, debase and hurt their victim; they express their contempt for their victim through physical violence and profane language. For these rapists, sex is a weapon to defile and degrade the victim, rape constitutes the ultimate expression of their anger.

·        Power Assertive Rapists: For these rapists, rape becomes a way to compensate their underlying feelings of inadequacy and feeds their issues of mastery, control, dominance, strength, intimidation, authority and capability. The intent of the power rapist is to assert their competency. The power rapist relies upon verbal threats, intimidation with a weapon, and only uses the amount of force necessary to subdue the victim.

·        Sadistic Rapist: For these rapists, they have a sexual association with anger and power so that aggression and the infliction of pain itself are eroticized. For this rapist, sexual excitement is associated with the inflicting of pain upon their victim.

·        Neurological Processes: The neuropsychological deficits that may contribute to a propensity for sexual assault include difficulties in self-regulation, executive functioning problems, perception/memory system problems, arousal/motivation system deficits, and problems in the action selection system.

·        Insecure attachment lens: The insecure attachment style lens stems from research done on sexual aggressors that characterized them as people who had insecure attachment styles (as a result of child abuse, parental divorce, etc.) manifested as low self-esteem, an inability to develop relationships with others, and significant emotional loneliness. Through the lens of this model, sexual aggression is used as a faulty means of fulfilling intimacy needs.

Individual Factors:

·        Known victim: According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) of India, research found that in 98% of cases of rape victims knew the perpetrator.

·        Drug facilitated sexual assault: Drug-facilitated sexual assault (DFSA), also known as predator rape, is a sexual assault carried out after the victim has become incapacitated due to having consumed alcoholic beverages or other drugs. Alcohol has been shown to play a dis-inhibiting role in certain types of sexual assault, as have some other drugs, notably cocaine. Alcohol has a psychopharmacological effect of reducing inhibitions, clouding judgments and impairing the ability to interpret cues.

·        Sexual Gratification: In 1994, Richard Felson coauthored the controversial book "Aggression and Coercive Actions: A Social-Interactionist Perspective" with James Tedeschi, a book which argues that sexual entitlement is the motive of rapists, rather than the aggressive desire to dominate the victim.^[30] Felson believes that rape is an aggressive form of sexual coercion and the goal of rape is sexual entitlement and to gain a sense of power.

·        Psychological Factor: There has been considerable research in recent times on the role of cognitive variables among the set of factors that can lead to rape. A detailed conceptual analysis shows that objectification might underlie denial of agency and personhood that leads to rape.^[5] Sexually violent men have been shown to be more likely to consider victims responsible for the rape and are less knowledgeable about the impact of rape on victims.^[33] Such men may misread cues given out by women in social situations and may lack the inhibitions that act to suppress associations between sex and aggression.^[33] They may have coercive sexual fantasies,^[34] and overall are more hostile towards women than are men who are not sexually violent.

·        Research on convicted rapists: The research on convicted rapists has found several important motivational factors in the sexual aggression of males. Those motivational factors repeatedly implicated are having anger at women and having the need to control or dominate them. Additionally, as reported by several rapists they are finely attracted by the wearing of women.

All these factors must be taken into the consideration to stay alert. After such experiences of men, women tend to feel hatred for men. And there is huge possibility too that they might abuse their constitutional right only to punish a man whom they hate. There are cases like these exist into court of law. I advice moderate point of view towards both the gender and do not let the sensational moment get the better of us.  We must remember the Jasleen Vs Sarvjeet Case of 2015.

Our parents often asked us to get back to home soon. They don’t allow girls to stay out for late night. They don’t allow their daughters to wear short dress and put many restrictions. And we young generation always rebel against them for their such rules without understanding the reasons behind it. It is not that they don’t trust their daughters; it is they don’t trust those monsters out there who shall harm their daughter.

Safety Advices for Girls:

• Always mind your surroundings wherever you are. Don’t let your guards down, the perpetrator is waiting for that exact moment.
• Trust your friends, co-workers, colleagues but always stay alert. It is 98% of case that victim is known to perpetrators.
• Always keep pepper spray, electric teaser or any safety device in your purse. Bad situation does not knock the door first, it trespasses through windows.
• Always inform your family or trusted friends of your current location. And if you sense some sort of sinister activity dial 100. It is better safe than sorry. We often hesitate to make calls as we feel that it may turn out to be a false alarm. But it is better to make call and it turns out false alarm than not calling and meeting a real unfortunate event.
• Do not stay outside home for long time. There is no point making arguments that men should change their mentality as it is highly highlighted in news by movie actresses. First know the fact that no matter how we argue or even shout, next person will not change so ultimately it’s up to us to maintain our own safety measures.  It’s more important that you stay alert yourself than asking next person to change their mentality. Perpetrator could be medically incapable to even understand what he is doing or could be having psychotic behavioral patterns. Patriarchal society problems are different, in such moments problems are different.
• Take self defense lessons. It is the need of the time.
• Always maintain the emergency helpline numbers in your mobile phone, even if you feel them irrelevant.

Not every girl is going to be capable to get the tools she needs to defend herself. We often notice those little girls on the signals begging us for coins. Have you ever bothered to consider what might be happening to them? Our sister, our friends are secure in good homes of our parents but what about those beggar girls who sleep on footpath? What security do they have? None.

The willingness to report the rape has increased in recent years, after several incidents of rape received widespread media attention and triggered public protest.  This led the Government of India to reform its penal code for crimes of rape and sexual assault.

But when they face such bad incidences the worse thing is… rarely their case is filed in police station.  They themselves are not even alert what to do after such incidence and even system does not take their complaints seriously.

It only makes us wonder, how much India’s Daughters Are Safe?

References:

·        India’s Police force among weakest in world.

https://www.livemint.com/news/india/india-s-police-force-among-the-world-s-weakest-1560925355383.html

Indian states and territories ranked by safety of Women.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_states_and_territories_ranked_by_safety_of_women